Transition

Am grateful that the transition from working to retired life has not been affected by lifestyle issues. I feel no great compulsion to be productive either. The worst nightmare for some though!

Solitude

Strange! One feels alone even though there is no one in particular that one would like to spend time with. The moment passes and one gets back to the solitude of life. Gazes and impulses.

Wassup!

Me - When the cup runneth over, theres no point just going on mopping up the spill. You gotta stop pouring. So wassup bro! Still plagued by the moody blues?

Meaning in life

A gaze. A cycle of fulfilling moments. A sensory life. Need I gaze beyond the next moment.
It's good to have meaning in life. But if it eludes you, must I search for it....or wait for it.

Moments in time

Completing half a century tomorrow. Theres no sense of the time of that. The mindset is still akin to the two decades of life lived between the teens and mid thirties. Never growing up.

I walk a km in 11 minutes. I timed myself between two milestones yesterday. S I walk 8 kms every day. Cool man. The utility of time to measure distance covered, albeit uni-dimensionally.

The Time of your life

Me - Do you ask "What do I want of my time?" or do you respond to "What does my time want of me." Somewhere in between is the time of our lives.
Arun - I want this bloody word time out of my life.
Me - How about seasons as a measure of the stuff that adds up to life. Longer perspectives for one. Split your day into the four seasons and let them guide your behavior.

Eska bhi waqt nahin

Bhartiya Nav Varsh ki shubhkamnae, "Eska bhi waqt nahin"
Har khushi hain logon ke daman mein, par ek hansi ke liye waqt nahin.
Din raat doudti duniya mein, zindagi ke liye hi waqt nahin.
Ma ki loree ka ehsaas to hai, par Ma ko Ma kehne ka waqt nahin.
Sare naam mobile mein hain, par dosti ke liye waqt nahin.
Gairo ki kya baat kare, jab apno ke liye hi waqt nahin.

A meaningful life

Arun - I'm not able to continue the dialogue because of lack of time and also lack of a proper mindset. You can continue to send your thoughts. I sometimes wonder what it is like living without the constraint of time. To get up at leisure, without any agenda, to stroll in peace, to live your thoughts, to meditate at length : utopia?
Me - And here I thought I'd bored you to silence. Its just as you imagine. Once you take the time dimension out, the mind has a huge binding constraint lifted. And the times begin changing.
Funny! it's the lack of reflection that contributes to the vacant mindset necessary for impulse living. I don't know if that is a regressive posture.....but it keeps me cool.
Arun - I'm not looking for impulse living. Of course I would welcome some spontaneity, but what I want is a meaningful life, I wonder what that means.
Me - Meaningful from which and whose perspective. Consequences or actions. Fulfillment or release. Constancy or dynamic, situationally appropriate, feel good moments. Choices.

The containment of want, feeling, desire is supposedly what keeps society civilised. It is also what makes individuals search and reel. Paradox? to be or not to be.

Moments

This is not life.....
But its great all the same
One seems to be caught up with life!!

Its a beautiful evening. Cool breeze. The sound of rustling leaves. The sky white streaked water colour grey, pausing undecided. A stram of cool air chills the sweat.

Walking in the rain.....

A thought pops up at convenience.
The mind wakening to it's existence.
I smile at the thought,
see my worlds still standing still.
And lazily, time's trying to keep pace with me.

Is family a constraint in life

Arun - Is family a constraint in life? If so, why did this concept come in at all?
Me - Society has always regulated itself. Norms, traditions, structure. Why? Because there was security in community. Belief systems further bound and, morality was monogamist. The maximum degrees of freedom on basic instincts were accorded to the family unit. So it became a self perpetuating license to be. Yet salvation requires cutting those ties.
Revisit the understanding of discharge of responsibility. Have you not provided an experience frame that gives you confidence that wife and son can manage if you make them financially secure. Blood ties that bind will have to be shed in a later stage of evolution in any case. Why not make a start now. Explore your interests, discover yourself. Just takes management.
Your working hours, guided by the financials, are the basic binding constraint on your mindset. You can reschedule to the extent it doesn't compromise your Barog time-table.....still on?
The problem is basically in the run up period with this work schedule. Sorry bro. Apart from grin n bear it, I have no ideas. Make the Barog trips fortnightly. Only a bit more strain.
Arun - Yea.

Me - Let the thought emerge. It's easier to follow as it leads on. Thoughts forced on you by circumstance and life tend to be conditioned to a wish frame thats near paralysed.

'Tis things sensory that drive one as also trigger withdrawal. 'Tis things sensory that get one exploring. 'Tis things sensory that get cocoons built. Just sense and sensitivity.

A moment

Me - Blown away on a shady day. Feet on pebbles, I gaze up at a bunch of raw mangoes, shaded by palm fronds and a hint of grey sky beyond. Shades of green all around. Cool.
Arun - Would it not be possible to appreciate all this without being a loner? There has to be a way to live in this world and yet see the beauty in it, without running away from the facts of life.
Me - Loner is a position arrived at by evolution, revolution and choice. Those experiences are my facts of life. Yes I choose to run away from them. This cocoon is my world.And I have the choice to fill it with and see whatever beauties I choose and, whatever my limited interactions with the world serves up to me. So, one loses out on diversity. Done most.
Arun - The context is not why you are enjoying what you are enjoying, but how I can do the same!
Me - That needs some thought yaar. You are too entwined. You don't have the degrees of freedom I had. You just have constraints that progressively bind, both by circumstance and choice. I'll get back

Peace of mind

Me - Back to the luxury of impulse living. Here and now drifts as per thought. Doing nothing, yet occupied by the sights and sounds of nature around and, life beyond the gate. Peace.
Arun - How does one become smart enough to not let the people and events around you you to affect the peace of mind?
Me - By being who you are, knowing one's capabilities and accepting them. So also ones flaws. Not having any want, desire that trigerrs thought and action. No ambition. Comfy existing alone.
All that wouldn't count as smart. One's seen as a loser and escapist. Guess you should be able to stop caring about the world and what it thiks of you and just live in one's cocoon

The end of a beginning

Me - Off home tomorrow. I'm being chopped, cut, diced and served up with fiery sauces. If there's a hell on earth, 'tis here and I'm supposed to be the devil incarnate.
03/17/09(5:43PM) Rolling to Kerala, pun intended. Been quite a trip. The only plus, a sense of liteness of responsibility shed. Just wanted to help her stabilise. I tried and failed...As usual.
Its a very flat and indeterminate feeling really. But definitely light and relieved in a way. No clue about what to do or where I'm headed. Each moment at a time. Lets see.
Arun - I don't know whether to pity you or envy you.
Me - You can alternate depending on the situation. There's no call for pity though. I've confirmed that my tolerance levels in the face of verbal rape are much improved. I have changed.

To Bay-2

I wish we'd spared you this cauldron of rage. I hope we haven't scarred your emotional frame too bad.I'm glad tough that you've turned out the way you have.....in-spite. Take care .Luv.