I don't seem to have a conception of joy and fun. No desires or wants that seek fulfillment. I ask myself what it is that I want the most and I draw a blank. What don't I want?.....A whole lot of the who and what I am.
That helps put what I want in perspective. Just a pipe dream of a persona that can never be me. A wish frame that sees me as a gregarious, caring, feeling, man about town, the soul of a party, the one whose word counts. Sort of utopian. Its all of the stuff one has never been.
Its not an aching wish frame.More a far fetched entreaty that surfaces in a rare mellow moment of extrospection. Doesn't linger long either. After all, what is, was meant to be.....Just this!
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